If you’re like me, you don’t like very many Christmas movies. The majority are low-quality rush jobs meant for kids, with flimsy plots dragged along by an actor just trying to cash in on the holiday demand (Netflix is full of these). So to make this list, I’m using a fairly loose definition here. If a movie takes place during Christmas (or Life Day!), it’s eligible. This is gonna be a deeper dive then your typical clickbait listicle, but isn’t that why you’re here?
25. Santa with Muscles (1996)
Before we get to the good stuff, we must pay our respects. It’s hard to pick the worst Christmas movie ever, but I think Santa with Muscles is worthy of that crown. I will venmo you five dollars if you actually make it all the way through this thing. There’s a lot to enjoy though if you do. Mila Kunis makes her acting debut here, and the big bad guy is Ed Begley Jr. (!) in a hazmat suit. The strangest part (besides seeing Hulk Hogan with short hair) is that while everyone else seems to be putting forth the effort found in a Power Rangers episode, Hulk Hogan is actually trying here! His performance is bizarrely earnest and reserved, like a high school senior in his last play. He may have gotten a nice paycheck, but he really seems to be thinking this will be good for his reel. And you can hate-watch this guilt-free on YouTube, so nobody gets any residuals!
24. Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
A year after the huge success of the first film, CBS and George Lucas agreed on filming a two hour Star Wars variety show for the holidays, with guest appearances by people like Bea Arthur and Art Carney. While the whole cast begrudgingly makes cameos, the story is primarily about Chewbacca’s family waiting for him to return home to celebrate “Life Day” (there are long stretches of this where Wookies just perform household tasks and grunt at each other without subtitles). While there’s debate on how involved Lucas was in the story and creative decisions, one thing is clear: it is next-level awful. It only aired once, and was never rebroadcast or distributed on home video. The only way to see it is to track down a copy of a copy of a fan recording, and everyone involved wishes it didn’t exist (there is a brutally awkward interview where Conan tries to show a clip from it in front of Harrison Ford). It is hilarious to think that this is technically canon, and to see how loose they were with this property back then, compared to all of the hallowed secrecy surrounding the new movies. I posted two videos of the only parts worth watching, including Princess Leia singing a song to the Star Wars theme (which apparently exists in their universe). There’s also a cartoon that introduces Boba Fett two years before The Empire Strikes Back, but it too is terrible. If you’re a big Star Wars fan, I highly recommend trying to watch this once.
23. Jack Frost (1998)
Michael Keaton dies in a car accident, and then comes back to life as a snowman. Yep. This is a real movie. The craziest thing about this is that the first thirty minutes are so unexpectedly competent (minus Keaton’s frosted tips), that by the time he dies, and his son is building a snowman by himself (using his dad’s hat and scarf), and Stevie Nicks is singing Landslide and you’re maybe crying a little, you actually start to wonder if they’re gonna pull this thing off. That maybe this movie is good and everyone else is wrong. And then the snowman comes to life, and you start to get lines like “I guess snow-dad is better than no dad.” They really try to make this a heartfelt movie about him getting to say goodbye to his family, but, I mean, he’s a freaking snowman. After this came out, Keaton didn’t star in another good movie (save being the voice of Ken in Toy Story 3) until Birdman. Becoming a snowman essentially derailed his film career for almost two decades, and yet I still kind of understand why he thought this might be a good idea.
22. Black Christmas (1974)
A sorority house slasher movie that takes place over Christmas break. You can really see how much it influenced John Carpenter’s Halloween (all the shots from the killer’s perspective, particularly). While Carpenter understands audiences also want to see the killer, there’s something really creepy about only hearing his voice. This is the original “the call is coming from inside the house” movie, and while the plot here has been copied to death, the vulgar phone calls in this are still really disturbing (it’s also neat to see how they actually used to trace phone calls in the 70s). The whole movie is very unsettling, and it elevates itself above its copycats by not needing to have excessive gore or any nudity. It’s not trying to be a cheap scare date movie. And it’s got some fun “Christmas horror” (there’s a scene where a murder victim’s screams are drowned out by children singing Christmas carols). Margot Kidder (Lois Lane in the old Superman movies) is great in this, and you also get to see Keir Dullea (the astronaut Dave in 2001), John Saxon (the dad in Nightmare on Elm Street) and Olivia Hussey (pictured, she played Juliet in that 1968 version of Romeo and Juliet we were all shown in school). A must-watch for horror fans.
21. Gremlins (1984)
I know you’re not supposed to take this movie very seriously, but it’s frustrating to think about how much better it would be if executive producer Steven Spielberg was more involved. You can definitely see what initially drew him to the idea, cute little pets who turn into mischievous gremlins if not properly taken care of. But the end result isn’t very “Spielbergian”. While you probably never noticed (or cared) as a kid, this movie’s tone is all over the place. It never really decides if the gremlins should be murderous or just clowning around, and as a result it was over-edited to death. Billy’s mom’s first interaction with the gremlins feels so out of place. She mercilessly slaughters several of them in her kitchen and then disappears for the rest of the movie (backlash from parents over the microwave kill here and the flaming heart removal in Temple of Doom caused Spielberg to lobby for the creation of the PG-13 rating). All of the plot lines that seem to be building before the gremlins show up, from Billy’s trouble at work (as a bank teller!) with Judge Reinhold, to the Scrooge-like Mrs. Deagle threatening to put down the family dog and close the beloved town bar, never really go anywhere. Hell, the dad being a hapless huckster inventor (which is great) never even matters in the climax! How do you not have him tweak one of his useless inventions into something that can save the day? All the brainstorming effort seems to have gone into just picturing funny things for the gremlins to be doing (that ridiculously drawn-out bar scene). I know it’s meant for kids, but my biggest gripe is that this story isn’t centered around a younger kid (which is confusing, cause they already have Cory Feldman as Billy’s friend). Stranger Things wouldn’t have been nearly as charming or memorable if we were only following the high school kids. Still, Gizmo is impossible to dislike, the score is fun, and there’s enough mindless gremlin anarchy here to enjoy.
20. Rocky IV (1985)
Unfortunately, this movie is feeling particularly timely again (if only we could send Floyd Mayweather to Russia to patch things up). In case you forget, the fight between Rocky and Ivan Drago for some reason takes place on Christmas Day (albeit without any decorations, since it’s in the Soviet Union). People are mostly right when they say each of the first five Rocky movies provide diminishing returns, as the training montages get longer and longer. The first famously won best picture, less a sports movie but an indie love story between two outcasts (Rocky didn’t even care if he won or lost, instead just wanting to see Adrian). Rocky II is still good, but it’s mostly a tragedy, the first half following his failed attempt to move on from boxing. There’s so little boxing in it that Stallone started the strange tradition of replaying the previous film’s title fight in the opening minutes. Rocky III is a completely wasted opportunity and, besides V, my least favorite. What should have been the final film in a trilogy, an amazing rubber match between Rocky and Creed, was instead a bloated excuse to feature Mr. T and Hulk Hogan (imagine how much better this would have been if they still had Mickey die before the third match, but then Creed convinces Rocky to train with him before their final fight against each other). And that brings us to IV. The series has never been very good at pulling off tragic moments (wether it’s Adrian’s random coma in II, or Mickey’s pre-fight heart attack in III), but the handling of Apollo Creed’s death in this is particularly botched. Rocky’s desire to avenge him gets completely lost in the flimsy Cold War narrative (how do you not at least have him say “this is for Apollo” before the knockout punch?). Yes it’s cheesy, and idealistic, and comically removed from its source material (take Pauly’s robot), but there’s still some good stuff here. Drago is easily Rocky’s best villain after Creed, and his training montages are amazing. It’s mostly a guilty pleasure, but as far as those go, you could do a lot worse.
19. Trading Places (1983)
It takes a while for the plot to kick in, and parts of this movie haven’t aged very well (80s Eddie Murphy made a LOT of homophobic jokes, and there’s a scene with Dan Aykroyd in blackface), but this is still a very fun watch. And while it often borders on slapstick (the ridiculous gorilla train sequence), the premise here gets surprisingly close to confronting big issues around racial inequality. This was originally supposed to star Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor, and I think that was a stronger pairing. Murphy is great, but Aykroyd never quite figured out how to play being rich as funny. I think his role should have gone to a more “serious” actor (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels works so well because of the casting of Michael Caine against Steve Martin). Director John Landis and Murphy teamed up again a few years later to make Coming to America, where Murphy does a much funnier job playing an insanely wealthy character (side note on this movie: it is SO amazing until they actually travel to America, and then it just kind of drags along. Ironically, I kinda wish the whole thing took place in Africa. You do get a funny cameo from the Duke brothers as homeless men, connecting the two movies. Also we have it to thank for starting Eddie Murphy’s debilitating obsession with playing multiple characters). The one thing that has always made me pretty uncomfortable here is that Landis made this (and the music video for Thriller) the same year of The Twilight Zone Movie accident (Google at your own risk).
18. Lethal Weapon (1987)
The only entry worth watching in your parents favorite action franchise (not a compliment). The tone is all over the place, but Shane Black’s script still has some surprising darkness to it. And of course it (unnecessarily) takes place during Christmas. Even though this only came out a year before Die Hard, it feels so much more dated. Every time Danny Glover draws his gun there’s a saxophone riff, and whenever young, wild-eyed Mel Gibson does pretty much anything, Eric Clapton (?!) wails away on his guitar. The plot is pretty thin, a somewhat intriguing murder mystery quickly devolves into “the bad guys have kidnapped your daughter and taken her to an abandoned warehouse.” It’s so strange to me that this turned into a franchise at all, let alone a comedic one. The whole original appeal here is that Mel Gibson is a lethal but suicidal cop with nothing to lose. His character arc as these movies go on is like having three more seasons of True Detective where we see Rust Cohle turn his life around and become the office prankster. Still worth a watch to hear Glover’s first two deliveries of “Im getting too old for this shit.” And there’s a pretty awesome fight scene at the end between Gibson and Gary Busey.
17. Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)
It’s only 25 minutes long, but I’m still counting this as a movie. Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss) published the book nine years earlier, drawing from his own lack of Christmas spirit and the commercialization of the holiday. It was a hit, and eventually legendary animator Chuck Jones (of Looney Tunes fame) wanted to turn it into a half hour special. What might seem like an odd pairing (Jones’ cartoons were primarily focused on ludicrous violence, while a Seuss book was always lesson-based) was actually brought about from the two working together on military training cartoons during World War II. Jones is surprisingly reserved here, staying faithful to the Seuss story and tone (he did sneak in a few Wile E. Coyote moments of slapstick with the sled). He also made the great decision of hiring horror actor Boris Karloff to be the narrator and voice of the Grinch (this might seem like inspired casting, since Karloff was famous for playing Frankenstein’s Monster and The Mummy way back in the 30s, but he had done several spoken word recordings as he got older). The animation is great, and Karloff’s voice is perfect, but the real reason this cartoon is a classic is because of the song “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” Jones asked Geisel to write the increasingly ridiculous lyrics himself, (which is surprising, because they don’t follow his trademark rhyming) and they were brought to life by a man named Thurl Ravenscroft (whose name Jones didn’t even put in the damn credits). Ravenscroft’s booming voice is probably what everyone thinks of first, as he perfectly sings lines like “you’re a triple-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich dipped in arsenic sauce!” An annual must watch. (Side note: the Jim Carrey live action version of this doesn’t get NEARLY enough criticism. Maybe because it was overshadowed by Battlefield Earth coming out the same year, but holy crap, it is as bad as it gets. They tried to stretch this into a two hour movie about the Grinch being enemies with the town mayor because he made fun of him for needing to shave as a kid! And the makeup on everyone is pure nightmare fuel.)
16. Scrooged (1988)
A modern take on A Christmas Carol with Bill Murray playing Scrooge as an asshole tv exec is such a good idea. And there are definitely parts of this movie that are great (the Robocop-level tv spots and bath towel stuff gets me every time). But you have to be a huge Bill Murray fan to not think of this as mostly a blown opportunity. A big part of it is they over-complicated things with too many characters. I could see why you’d want to beef up the lost love angle, but Karen Allen is criminally underused here (and there’s just no chemistry compared to what you see with her and Harrison Ford in Raiders, or Murray and Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters). Alfre Woodard is great as the “Bob Cratchet” secretary, but she loses a lot of screentime to unnecessary subplots like the random guy gunning for Bill Murray’s job, and Bobcat Goldthwait’s annoying turn as a fired employee looking for revenge. It really feels like Richard Donner just isn’t the right director for this movie. He never quite figured out the tone. you either want someone with more vision like Tim Burton (who was busy doing Beetlejuice and Batman) or at least someone who knows how to use Bill Murray correctly, like Ivan Reitman or Harold Ramis. Murray and Ramis team up five years after this to make Groundhog Day, a much better movie with more heart where Murray again plays an asshole who must learn to be unselfish. Murray obviously still makes this worth the watch, and it’s also pretty fun to hear Danny Elfman’s first shot at scoring a winter movie (there’s a lot of groundwork here for his stuff in Batman Returns and The Nightmare Before Christmas).
15. The Santa Clause (1994)
An undeniable holiday classic that, for the most part, actually still holds up. It’s pretty amazing that this family comedy is able to get away with killing Santa without making it sad. And it’s one of the the lone bright spots in Tim Allen’s film career. If you take out this, the Toy Story trilogy, and Galaxy Quest (so underrated), the other 11 movies where he’s the lead have an average Rotten Tomatoes score of just over 20%. You could try to say he’s just really bad at judging a script, but those movies also all tanked at the box office. There just wasn’t much of a demand to ever see him as a leading man. Even in this, I couldn’t help but imagine how much better it would be with Robin Williams (or Tom Hanks, or Bill Murray, and if this was made today, Steve Carell). If it’s been years since you’ve seen this, it’s a fun rewatch (but prepare to be distracted by his ex-wife’s haircut and wardrobe, which is EXACTLY like Uma Thurman’s in Pulp Fiction).
14. Batman Returns (1992)
Christmas plays a surprisingly big roll in this movie, providing the backdrop for the bizarre “plot”. Batman Forever gets blamed for being too ridiculous, but honestly the only difference between the two movies is the production design and color palette. Danny DeVito, Michelle Pfeiffer and Christopher Walken are hamming it up just as much as Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones do, and the plot is perhaps worse here. Take the Penguin’s evolving master plan: he first uses his Circus Gang (which is awesome) to terrorize Gotham in order to…find out who his parents are? Then he decides to run for mayor because he thinks it will get him laid (this really seems to be his main goal). Then when Batman sabotages his campaign, he decides to “kill every first-born son in Gotham”. Then when that plan fizzles after like two seconds, he just straps a bunch of missiles to penguins and hopes for the best. Apparently Tim Burton only agreed to do this movie because of how much creative control he got, and it really shows. It doesn’t feel like a single note was given. Which results in a lot of great visuals, but little else. Christmas in Gotham does look fantastic, and I was obsessed with this movie as a kid. but this one goes off the rails a lot more than you remember.
13. The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)
Picture The Bourne Identity, but instead of a whisper-serious Matt Damon, you have one-liner popping Geena Davis (with horrific bleached hair), and instead of realistic and gritty fight sequences, you have delightful overacting, bad 90s music and ludicrous action (there’s a scene where she chases after a car, shooting at it while on ice skates). This came out six years before Bourne, but there’s no way writer Shane Black didn’t read the book it was based on. Black was the hottest writer in town at this point, and got four million 1994 dollars to write this. It barely made its money back overseas, and wasn’t very well received, and he didn’t write another movie for almost a decade until his directorial debut with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (This is his third movie on my list. The guy really loves setting things during Christmas). This movie was definitely ahead of its time, but unfortunately, you will not be surprised to learn that the studio was nervous about having a big budget action movie starring a woman (they were pushing to rewrite the script and have Stallone or Seagal for the lead. Oof). Director Renny Harlan was married to Geena Davis at the time, and she thankfully landed the role. This movie isn’t exactly perfect (theres a lot of Geena Davis yelling at her evil reflection in the mirror as she remembers her past, and at the end she gets a thank you call from the President lol) but the chemistry between her and Samuel L. Jackson is really fun to watch. Jackson has been in over a hundred movies, and he’s gone on record saying this was his favorite one. The most annoying part of this movie is the head bad guy, who’s played by an actor I’ve never seen before or since that Wikipedia tells me was originally offered the role of Chandler on Friends but TURNED IT DOWN (he is basically doing a Chandler Bing impression this whole movie, which is rough). David Morse already has a small role in this, and I really wish they cast him instead as the big bad. Comparing this to the realistic Bourne series isn’t exactly fair, but this is way more fun to watch.
12. Goodfellas (1990)
My biggest stretch for this list, but hear me out. Christmas is an important moment in this movie, it’s right after the Lufthansa heist and right before everything goes bad. For these few minutes, it feels like it might just work out for everyone. One of the best parts of this movie is all the music that elevates every scene. most films only have a few songs throughout, while the rest is score. But this one must have almost fifty different songs that Scorsese drops in, often one right after the other. During the Christmas scenes, he plays two awesome songs, a version of Frosty the Snowman by the Ronettes, and Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) by Darlene Love, one of my favorite Christmas songs. Somehow, even though we’re just watching De Niro chew out his crew for spending the heist money, these songs work perfectly. Also, every time I watch this movie, I remember how much I want the Christmas tree that Henry brings home: all white with purple ornaments.
11. The Ref (1994)
Denis Leary plays a cat burglar who is forced to take an extremely unhappy couple (Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis) hostage on Christmas Eve. When this movie works, it is hilarious. It’s at its best when focusing on just the three leads, and Leary essentially acts as a marriage counselor with a gun (it would really work even better as just a play). The bumbling small town cops after Leary, his old drunken partner, even the son character and his half-baked subplot with JK Simmons probably should have all been left on the cutting room floor (which would leave more room for the great scenes after Spacey’s relatives show up for dinner). The casting is what makes this movie. Spacey is essentially making an audition tape for American Beauty, Judy Davis is perfect, and even if you don’t normally like Leary, he nails the part. Not a perfect movie, but very underrated.
10. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Yes, this is technically a tv special, but it has to make the list. While it must have seemed like a pretty bad idea at the time to try to stretch the famous song into a fifty minute story, somehow they pulled it off. Not only that, but almost all of the best parts are the added “filler” that wasn’t based on anything. You could easily make a whole Toy Story movie about the Island of Misfit Toys, and everyone’s favorite character is the guy pictured here, peppermint miner Yukon Cornelius. The stop motion animation is awesome, the songs are all classics, and there’s a freaking Snow Monster. An annual must-watch, even if it’s just on in the background.
9. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
People tend to over-analyze Kubrick films (look at Room 237, an entire documentary about different interpretations of The Shining), so it’s no surprise that there are plenty of theories why Eyes Wide Shut takes place during Christmas (there’s a Christmas tree in almost every scene). Besides the obvious juxtaposition, I think he (and Tim Burton and Shane Black, etc.) just likes the way Christmas lights look at night. Kubrick also makes Christmas feel eerie here. It’s a shame this movie only really gets remembered for the orgy scene (just like Boogie Nights was overshadowed by Dirk’s fake dick), because Nicole Kidman is a revelation in this. Her monologue after they get home from Sydney Pollack’s Christmas party, where she confesses to still fantasizing about a stranger she briefly met years earlier, is some of the best acting I’ve ever seen. And yet she is completely underused. After this scene, we realize this isn’t going to be the movie it presented itself as: an uncomfortably intimate look at a couple navigating their power dynamic and complicated relationship with sex. Instead, we just follow Tom Cruise’s bizarre (and unnecessarily long) journey into sexual deviance. And this really feels like the wrong choice. While Kidman commands every scene she is in, Cruise is uncharacteristically flat here, often seeming in over his head. It might also just be that he was exhausted. This took 400 days to film, the longest continuous shoot ever. Kubrick kept changing the script, and obsessing over every single detail. It’s a beautiful looking movie, and the recurring piano theme is haunting, but it still feels unfinished. He died six days after turning in what was obviously deemed the final cut.
8. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
As a kid, I definitely didn’t understand how weird it is that this movie actually exists. Tim Burton was coming off of Batman and Beetlejuice and could seemingly do no wrong, so he was allowed to make his dream film about a guy with grotesque scissors for hands (although the studio was still worried enough that they tried to push Tom Cruise for the titular role, which is sort of impossible to actually picture). Johnny Depp is really great here, almost operating in his own silent movie (it’s easy to forget how great him and Burton were together before they became caricatures of themselves). And his chemistry with Winona Ryder is obvious (they were dating at the time). But the real heart of this movie is Dianne Wiest. She does such an amazing job setting the tone, and really sells the absurd premise. the charm and genius of this movie is how it continually shocks us by having everyone act so normal around Edward (ironically, Rider’s character is the only one who actually gets scared of him). None of the desperate housewives seem to even notice how creepy he looks, instead begging him to trim their hedges, their dogs and their hair (Kathy Baker is so good as Joyce, the neighbor that keeps trying to seduce him). This is all almost to a fault, though, because the plot really struggles to justify the whole neighborhood suddenly turning against him on Christmas Eve. Danny Elfman delivers another great score, helping steer everything along. This movie is both tragic and hilarious, and it also just looks fantastic, so uniquely Burton in every single frame.
7. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
I’ve always thought of this as more of a Christmas movie than a Halloween one (even though almost all of the memorable moments happen in Halloween Town). Every single detail in this is so carefully created, the character designs are iconic, and it doesn’t hurt that Danny Elfman absolutely kills it both as a composer and as the singing voice of Jack Skellington. Although his fingerprints are clearly all over this, and despite what Disney’s marketing would like you to think, Tim Burton didn’t actually direct it (and was apparently barely ever present for the two years it took to film the claymation). It originated from a poem he wrote in 1982, a strange combination of Rudolph, The Grinch and Burton’s singular imagination, and since he worked for Disney at the time, they owned the rights to the idea. Burton and Elfman turned it into a musical, and then handed it off while they went to work on Batman Returns. If I have one problem with the movie, it’s that I’m not quite sure what the message is. The concept is amazing, but they didn’t really know how to end it. Jack is tired of being stuck in Halloween Town, but he nearly ruins Christmas. The worlds don’t really learn anything from each other, it seems like they were never supposed to meet, and nothing was supposed to change (which is an odd choice). Jack saves Santa from Oogie Boogie, but Santa just leaves angry, instead of appreciating the spirit of Halloween, and vice-versa. He does make it snow, but that doesn’t seem like enough. I think it would be better to see Santa appreciate being scared to death, then deliver everyone in Halloween Town actual Christmas presents at the end. They finally understand the joy of Christmas morning, and then he tells them he’s excited to Trick or Treat next year. And one more thing: I really think you have to end it with Jack and Sally walking through the door to Valentine’s Town together.
6. Elf (2003)
While he’s obviously great in this, Will Ferrell’s best role will always be Frank the Tank in Old School. He’s made a living playing absurdly broad characters like Ron Burgundy, Ricky Bobby, Jackie Moon or Chaz Michael Michaels (always returning to the never-ending joke that a guy that looks like Ferrell somehow has undeniable sex appeal), but I’ve always thought Ferrell is at his funniest when he’s just playing a suburban dad that’s barely keeping it together. His ability to improv “boring” small talk, and then switch to irrational anger on a dime, is unparalleled (SNL loved showcasing this). Which is why it’s so surprising to see how great he is in this movie. He never breaks, never snaps into that second phase of the joke like we expect, instead always maintaining Buddy’s naive optimism. and he nails it. This part was originally going to Jim Carey, and with his manic humor it just wouldn’t have worked. Favreau and Farrell both knew that this movie just needed to embrace its heart un-ironically. The chemistry between Ferrell and Zooey Deschanel is surprisingly good, and every scene between him and James Caan is hilarious (him trying to start a tickle fight with Caan is so cringe-worthy). This movie could have easily been just another Christmas dud, but it makes every right decision, and is now a classic.
5. Bad Santa (2003)
Billy Bob Thornton plays an extremely drunk and depressed mall Santa who hates kids and robs department stores. This is easily one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. Despite a few out of place slapstick moments, it’s mostly a black comedy (the tone throughout is so dark and bleak that they actually kind of painted themselves into a corner, making it hard to pull off a happy ending). The dialogue in this is fantastic, and that’s in large part to the Coen brothers. They were executive producers on this and did some uncredited punch ups on the script. Jack Nicholson and Bill Murray both wanted the lead role, but honestly Billy Bob Thornton crushes this better than either of them could have (Murray would have played him too apathetic, and Nicholson too endearingly crabby. Thornton just goes for straight scumbag). He is amazing to watch, especially in his scenes with the kid. The rest of the cast is great too (including Bernie Mac, Tony Cox and John Ritter, in his final role). I haven’t seen the sequel, but I hear it’s bad, and I’m not surprised. It would be very hard to duplicate what makes this surprise classic work.
4. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
One of my all-time favorite films, this has the type of rapid-fire dialogue and clever narration that gets funnier every time you watch it. This is Shane Black perfecting his favorite type of story: the odd-couple dark comedy crime movie that takes place during Christmas. Yet for some reason, this never got nearly the praise it deserved. One thing is certain, though: if this movie never happens, Robert Downey Jr. isn’t Iron Man. The template for how he plays Tony Stark is all here, minus some of the cockiness (RDJ knew it too, returning the favor to Black years later by pushing for him to write and direct Iron Man 3). His chemistry with Val Kilmer and Michelle Monaghan is as good as it gets, and you can just tell all three of them had a blast making this. Kilmer has always gotten a bad rap for being too self-serious and difficult (the peak of this being The Island of Dr. Moreau, where he and Marlon Brando actively tried to sabotage the movie, often wasting entire shooting days because neither wanted to be the first to leave his trailer), but he can be so funny when he wants to. His dry delivery works so well against RDJ’s nervous energy. And Monaghan steals pretty much every scene she’s in (this should have instantly made her a Margot Robbie-level star, and instead she’s had to do stuff like Pixels). The bittersweet aspect here is that because this led to RDJ getting Iron Man (and all of the Marvel movies that followed), any hopes of a sequel pretty much disappeared. Lightning in a bottle, unfortunately.
3. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
If you don’t like this movie, you have a heart made of stone. I was pretty shocked to learn this was made in the 90s, for some reason I thought it was much older (it has a very nostalgic charm). This came out just two years after Jim Henson’s death, and was actually directed by his son (in what I can only imagine was a pretty emotional experience). I love all the sets and character designs in this, the songs are fantastic, but the real treat is the performance of Michael Caine. He apparently only agreed to take the role if he could act like he was in a professional play, never wanting to wink to the audience that he knew he was in a Muppet movie. He really was the perfect choice. Gonzo’s casual narration reminds you that this is meant for children to easily understand, but it’s not just a kids movie (and damn does it get sad at parts). An annual must-watch.
2. Die Hard (1988)
For decades now, Hollywood has been trying unsuccessfully to duplicate this movie’s singular magic (they couldn’t even do it with the sequels). Usually they wrongly focus on the isolated location, the one-guy-versus-twenty-terrorists aspect of it (it’s Die Hard on a boat! a train! on Air Force One with the damn President himself!). But they almost always forget that John McClane isn’t trying to take on all these guys, he just doesn’t have any other choice. The real reason this movie stands alone is the casting of Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman. It was a stroke of genius to pick Willis in this instead of an action star (although ironically this role would turn him into one). Hans misjudges him for most of the movie, underestimating him as a macho idiot who’s seen too many Westerns. But McClane actually calls the police himself for back-up (and then gets mad at them for being by-the-book idiots, realizing he’s the only one who can save the day). He doesn’t have irrational faith in himself, or his ability to shoot bad guys, and we actually see him becoming resigned to the fact that he’ll probably die trying unsuccessfully to save his wife. The other half of this, of course, is how Rickman plays Hans Gruber. He’s smart and sophisticated, and he just wants money. He’s not looking for revenge or power, and doesn’t make it personal with McClane until he’s out of all other options. For all of its action sequences and drama, this movie is surprisingly grounded in reality, and that’s why it’s so good.
1. Home Alone (1990)
As a five year old, it felt pretty dang cool having the same name as Kevin McCallister. Macaulay Culkin was every kid’s hero, while also charming their parents. He really is hilarious in this (and a huge part of why this works so well). Kids only really cared about the traps whomping on the burglars. But this movie changes as you grow up, and you start to appreciate how much Catherine O’Hara secretly carries this movie. Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern are both great together (and it’s amazing that Pesci was so funny in this, and then so scary in Goodfellas the same year), but O’Hara keeps this movie grounded in reality. There’s a lot of heart in this, and it’s because of the great cast and amazing score by John Williams. The sequel really dropped the ball (listen to the first episode of the podcast for my thoughts on it!), but this one will always be my favorite Christmas movie.
Thanks for reading! Think I missed a movie? Let me know in the comments. Happy holidays everybody.
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